Garfield’s Rainbow
INT. MAYA’S SUBCONSCIOUS — TIMELESS
We’re in a vast, ever-shifting landscape. Imagine M.C. Escher designed a funhouse while on a lasagna bender. MAYA stands in the center, looking lost and confused. GARFIELD lounges on a floating piece of geometry, licking his paw.
MAYA
Where… where are we?
GARFIELD
(gesturing vaguely)
Welcome to your mind, kiddo. Or what’s left of it after a decade of government-sanctioned paranoia.
MAYA
My mind? But it’s so…
GARFIELD
Messed up? Yeah, that’s what happens when you spend your life chasing shadows. Speaking of which…
A shadow of BIN LADEN darts across the landscape. Maya instinctively chases it, but it always remains just out of reach.
MAYA
(panting)
I… I can’t catch him!
GARFIELD
(appearing beside her)
‘Course not. You’re chasing the wrong thing, sweetcakes.
MAYA
What do you mean?
GARFIELD
You’re not really after Bin Laden. You’re after meaning. Purpose. A point to this cosmic joke we call existence.
The landscape shifts. They’re now in a 1950s diner. Garfield sits at the counter, nursing a cup of coffee. Maya joins him.
MAYA
That’s… deep. For a cat who once got his head stuck in a lasagna pan.
GARFIELD
Hey, that pan taught me more about the human condition than any philosophy book. You think you’re trapped, searching for a way out, when really…
He pushes his empty cup off the counter. It falls upwards.
GARFIELD (CONT’D)
…gravity’s just a suggestion.
MAYA
(watching the cup float away)
I don’t understand.
GARFIELD
‘Course you don’t. Understanding’s overrated. It’s like trying to explain Twitter to a goldfish. Now, unlearning… that’s where the magic happens.
The diner dissolves. They’re now in a vast library. Every book has the same title: “The Meaning of Life (Spoiler: There Isn’t One)”.
MAYA
(pulling out a book)
So what am I supposed to do? Just give up? Stop searching?
GARFIELD
(taking the book, using it as a pillow)
Nah. Searching’s what we do. It’s the human condition. Well, human and talking-cat condition. The trick is to enjoy the ride.
He snaps his fingers. The library becomes a roller coaster. They’re in the front car.
MAYA
(gripping the safety bar)
I don’t like roller coasters!
GARFIELD
Nobody does! That’s the point!
The coaster takes off, hurtling through impossible loops and turns. Maya screams. Garfield laughs maniacally.
GARFIELD
(shouting over the wind)
See, life’s like this roller coaster. Terrifying, nauseating, and it’ll probably kill you. But damn, what a rush!
They hurtle towards a dead end. Maya closes her eyes, bracing for impact. Instead, they burst through into…
INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS — DAY
Maya jolts awake at her desk, drooling on a file labeled “Operation: Lasagna Freedom”. Garfield sits on her desk, poking her with a stick.
GARFIELD
Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty. Or should I say, Sleeping Duty?
MAYA
(disoriented)
Garfield? Was that all a dream?
GARFIELD
Was it? Or is this the dream, and that was reality? Or are both real, or neither?
(he pauses, then grins)
Or maybe it’s all just a badly written screenplay trying too hard to be profound?
MAYA
(rubbing her temples)
I think I need a drink.
GARFIELD
Now you’re getting it! Life’s absurd, kid. Might as well enjoy the madness.
He pulls out two martini glasses from nowhere, filling them with what looks suspiciously like marinara sauce.
GARFIELD
To the human condition! May we never understand it, but always appreciate its humor.
Maya hesitates, then clinks her glass with Garfield’s.
MAYA
To the human condition. And to talking cats who moonlight as existential therapists.
They drink. In the background, we see Leon and Joseph chasing Bin Laden around the office with butterfly nets.
GARFIELD
(to the camera)
And you thought James Joyce was hard to follow. At least I’m better looking.
FADE OUT.
TO BE CONTINUED… OR NOT. WHO KNOWS? IT’S ALL RELATIVE ANYWAY.
