Why you actually don’t want happiness or success, but can learn how to with this idiotic self help hack!
“Change is within your grasp!”
-The Honorable Self Certified Spiritual Guru David Baer
If you’re holding a coin, change is literally within your grasp.
The same reason you’re unhappy or can’t commit to exercising, eating healthy, finishing the fucking book, or didn’t succeed in life can all be easily cured in this miracle “hack” that takes only seconds.
By miracle specifically I mean it would be a miracle if it actually worked but, hell anything’s possible right? That’s the idea at least.
Pop psychology has us believe that motivation is all we need to find happiness, hit the gym or fall in love. Anybody who’s actually succeeded in life will probably tell you that you can’t wait for inspiration or motivation to actually get shit done.
Through this borderline moronic hack you can unlock the ability to achieve happiness and success in a matter of seconds but I offer a backup fail safe technique for peace of mind and happiness.
Your initial response may be “that sounds all well and good… but… I’m some combination of broke, miserable and or hate my life and nothing I’ve ever done has worked. It’s because of the damn _____, not under my control!”
Many reject the notion that they are capable of happiness or success. Few like and or embrace the idea of change being possible through the traditional method. You can’t solve internal problems with external solutions. We do all have within us the ability to adapt, to make change. It’s literally in our DNA, but many of us find adaptability a scary idea to entertain.
If anyone simply “decides” to fully embrace self discipline, long term thinking, dedication, hard work and accepting whatever pain and discomfort it takes to actually “achieve change”, most likely their life is going to improve. It’s not rocket science just nobody wants to do it, it sucks. We’re lazy. We want hacks.
On one hand it’s empowering but it also means you are fully accountable. Trying opens you up to failing. Failing is scary. Only you’re already failing by not trying, so you might as well try.
All that whole “do it the right way, no free lunch” talk sure is BORING though… we need a HACK!
Here’s a more a more internet friendly micro-attention span solution.
Grab a coin and say aloud with as much conviction as you can muster “Change is within my grasp.”
Happiness, success, love. Believe that you are actually capable of actually achieving said change, that it’s “within your grasp.”
So if you actually tried it and even maybe halfway believed the change ws possible that means the whole “hack” really worked right? You’re immediately happier and successful?
No? Damn, yet another bullshit internet scam strikes again!
Can you entertain the idea that change is within your grasp? Say it 50–100 times see if it works, what do you have to lose? You’re already reading some bullshit post, might as well do some bullshit hack? It’s not like you’re gonna go read a book and apply the lessons are you? Hell no! That’s Y2K man I’m listening to an AI narrate this right now while I stuff my fat depressed face!
It seems heartless to just label someone’s problems as entirely of their own doing. The sad second order result of this empathic view we take as “some people are just so disadvantaged in life that they’re simply incapable of change” which is utterly debilitating. It’s cruel to keep people trapped in mental prisons by outsourcing all of their internal problems to external societal influences.
First reactions to someone challenging your beliefs like the title of this articlet may evoke a: “You don’t know me”, or “actually I am happy and successful”, “You don’t know me, I’m different”, “I read a self help book, I already know what to do” and while I don’t know you personally I am familiar with the your mind.
The mind is constantly lying to itself, so statistically speaking your bullshit stories about how terrible and or great your life are most likely delusional because most people’s view of reality is delusional. Unless you’re able to see outside of yourself and self inquire to your true self most self talk is the result of bullshit cultural programming.
Sorry. You don’t exist. You’re a bag of trillions of cells wired together in a complicated way thanks to some literal code influenced by the genetics and life circumstances of your ancestors (gene expression or epigenetics*),
The mind is primarily concerned with survival and less so on wellbeing. If you “think” you’re happy had you ever considered you don’t know shit? That maybe if you gained some new experiences and realize you’d be far happier doing something else.
Adaptability is the most important factor to happiness and survival across all species. Yet most people are too afraid to change anything about their lives leading them down paths of self delusion or self destruction. Some of us get the “fuck me” gene and happiness seems impossible.
More often than not happiness is entirely relative based on perspective. If everyone around you was starving to death and you were just living your life exactly as it is today would you still feel sorry for yourself? No you might be thinking “wow it sure is great I get to eat food every day and not die.” There’s never going to be some golden shining moment where you achieve all you want in life and are forever bathed in good spirits and positivity.
This mind fuckery of self defeatism is an inherent trait of human nature we all struggle with in some form or another. There’s some practical advice gathered from popular groupthink in the realms of neuroscience, philosophy, and spirituality.
Neuroscience: Your lack the neurotransmitters that provide a sense of motivation and accomplishment.
Youtube Neuroscientist Sensation’s advice: Go outside at 7am and write in your gratitude journal, while you’re benching listen to binuaral beats, eat a clean sugar free, diet free of processed foods. All you have to do is exercise 2 hours a day, meditate, sauna, cold plunge and eat a laundry list of supplements that I sell. It’s as simple as that. Using my affiliate links for my 3,500$ electric mattress cover, 199$/month in supplements, 45$ tub of protein powder from a company that self described as “The Ferrari of Supplements”. Then you’ll have a harem of women to string along just like me, the lord of light.
Stoic Philosophy: That which isn’t within your control isn’t worth your concern. Figure your shit out!
Tiktok Stoic Philosopher’s advice: Buy my books, take my courses and watch my endless stream of videos of me talking with a backwards cap on my goat farm in Austin where I rehash a journal from 2,000 years ago like the lord of truth. For only 99.99$ a month you too can learn the secrets of the ancient stoic philosophers and get signed copies of my latest books!
Spirituality: Desire is the root of suffering.
Jada Pinkett Smith’s personal spiritual guru’s advice: As you can tell by my piercing blue eyes I’m really spiritual. You see, when I think of the human soul, I can encapuslate all the world’s suffering all while staring at a beautiful sunrise from my Beverly Hills mansion. The true answer to your happiness in life lies in buying my course for only 9,999$.
Happiness unfortunately does not come cheap, or does it?
You can be aware of what your problems are, know what you want to do to solve them andbelieve you are capable of it but still do nothing because you’re a lazy fuck in search of a quick fix one second hack.
The easiest way to achieve your expectations out of life is to drastically reduce your expectations. If you reduce your expectations and definition of success to simply not dying then by definition we’re all capable of achieving our definition of happiness and success.
In order to be happy and successful you simply have to reframe your definition of happiness and success to simply not being dead.
Now that you know the secrets of happiness and success feel free to sit cross legged on a rock til the rest of your dying days living in utter bliss.
*I don’t have any meaningful expertise in anything I’m discussing. Just another jerkoff on the internet just like you sharing my POV!
